my birthday was perfect. my friends are amazing.

the last several weeks haven't exactly been easy. between my uncle passing away, my mom's surgery, things with my dad and work, my stress level has been through the roof.

i've slid back into alot of old feelings and i'm really sure how to change it. one person in particular is to blame, but it's my fault for letting this person get to me so badly. i don't know what to do. it's as simple as that. and i honestly don't think i'll ever figure it out.

pomegrante margaritas from fridays are the best thing in the world.

everyday, something else comes up. i'm getting pulled in a thousand different directions constantly.

the vacation last week was supposed to be my time away from work and everything else thats been stressing me out and it did absolutely no good. monday, all the bullshit started up again.

the boy confuses the shit out of me more and more every day. he can't seem to make up his mind and i'm not sure how much longer i can sit around and wait on something that i'm not sure is even worth it. it's time for a much needed break from him and the games, and as much as it's gonna kill me, it's just something i have to do. we'll see what happens.

the family stuff has been hitting me really hard. one uncle is laying in a coma. one aunt is in a nursing home because no one can handle taking care of her. another uncle has been abandoned by everyone around him, and he has no idea what's going on. my mom's surgery will be 6 days before my birthday. my dad, is doing surprisingly well. it's funny how he was so scared of having the defibralator put in, but it seems to be the best thing thats happened to him within the past year.

it's stupid, but it's things like this that make you wonder about the silly things that always seemed like the end of the world.

life isn't great at the moment, but i'm getting by the best way i know how.

i just keep fighting.

life is good. no complaints.

things got weird for awhile, but it's all back to normal and i couldn't be happier.   :)

i was so stupid to think i didn't need or want him in my life. he's becomes so important over the last several months...i don't know what i'd do without him. he makes everything better.

my dad's been doing really good...which makes everything alot easier.

income tax money is the best thing ever.

it hurts more and more everyday. i wish somebody could tell me how to fix this. and never in my life has a song explained everything going on in my head the way this one does...it's weird.

the past couple weeks have really sucked.

it's been alot easier to blame him for everything, and be mad at him and push him away. i guess that's how i've been avoiding the fact that it's more my fault than it is his. but, the other day somebody finally called me on how shitty i've been to him and once i sat down and thought about it, i figured out they were right. i know i can't take back the last few weeks, but i can make things better now and that's what i plan on doing before i get things so fucked up that they can't be fixed.

work's been crazy, but that's nothing new. all this extra responsibility now is kinda cool in a weird way.

my parent's are lame...as usual.

life in general has been insane lately.